Taxes and Death

I filled out the 1040 a week ago Saturday.

Since then I’ve been trying to figure out how to pay the bill. It also got me thinking about how to avoid having to go into debt for the crime of making a modest living next year.

The only way I can think is to die.

So I’m announcing today that when I put my taxes in the mailbox, I’m also going to file my death certificate.

Friends and family members may leave their condolences in the comments below this post. In lieu of flowers, please send cash.

I know you’re not supposed to send cash in the mail, but I’ll need to close all my bank accounts and remain “off the financial grid” so long as I’m dead, so I won’t be able to cash your checks.

Also, if you’re paying me for anything, like websites or computer repairs, you’ll have to send cash from now on.

Don’t worry about reporting anything to the IRS on next year’s 1099s. Since I’m dead, you can just say “I had this cash, but I lost it.” It wouldn’t be lying. It would be gone, and since you won’t know what I did with it, it would be lost.

Meanwhile, I’ll be writing here daily as Caspar the Ghostwriter, and making occasional appearances as Caspar the Ghost. (I’ll let you decide whether you think I’m “friendly.”)

It’s been nice knowing you all these years.

Be well.

6 thoughts on “Taxes and Death

  1. I hope this is tongue in cheek. They’ll work out a payment plan—you don’t have to die!

  2. I feel your pain. It’s incredible that I can earn such a pathetic amount of income that I can’t support myself and yet I STILL owe New York State MORE! I think your idea of becoming deceased makes good financial sense. That sounds like an option for me as well though I’d better run that by my tax preparer first as I’m clearly clueless about successfully evading the tax man. Turns out I paid $150 to my tax guy —- to file the 1040 easy form. I fear this demonstrates I’d have little success pulling off being dead.

    • You can pay me the $150 to file your 1040EZ for you next year. As long as you pay me cash, we’re good.

  3. I feel your pain too! Although this year was markedly better than last. The difference? We became an S-Corp. Worth looking into… To see if you’re a good fit.

    You could also ask your boss for a raise, but then you’d owe MORE taxes. 😉

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