I filled out the 1040 a week ago Saturday.
Since then I’ve been trying to figure out how to pay the bill. It also got me thinking about how to avoid having to go into debt for the crime of making a modest living next year.
The only way I can think is to die.
So I’m announcing today that when I put my taxes in the mailbox, I’m also going to file my death certificate.
Friends and family members may leave their condolences in the comments below this post. In lieu of flowers, please send cash.
I know you’re not supposed to send cash in the mail, but I’ll need to close all my bank accounts and remain “off the financial grid” so long as I’m dead, so I won’t be able to cash your checks.
Also, if you’re paying me for anything, like websites or computer repairs, you’ll have to send cash from now on.
Don’t worry about reporting anything to the IRS on next year’s 1099s. Since I’m dead, you can just say “I had this cash, but I lost it.” It wouldn’t be lying. It would be gone, and since you won’t know what I did with it, it would be lost.
Meanwhile, I’ll be writing here daily as Caspar the Ghostwriter, and making occasional appearances as Caspar the Ghost. (I’ll let you decide whether you think I’m “friendly.”)
It’s been nice knowing you all these years.